Passing Inspection

I spent a morning this week touring the farm house with the building inspector. I was expecting to uncover a few skeletons in the closet - or the basement. The house is 112 years old and the previous owner, Ted, the person responsible for the majority of the upgrades, is, to say the least, eccentric. On our first visit to the house, Ted assured us that all of the wiring and plumbing met or exceeded code, that the foundation was sound and the well was in perfect order. He warned us that the barn was past salvaging - it predates the house - and we should consider the expense of removing it when calculating the cost of the property. But, he added, the crows and the skunks would be included in the offer.

Crows and skunks? It seems the crows are used to being fed at the back door and he told us they will gather and squawk until their dinner is served. The skunks like to sun themselves in the driveway. They're quite used to people and pets and won't spray but are useful for deterring unwanted visitors.

Ted then told us about his wife - 6'2" and 250 lbs., she eats so much that there are 2 ovens and 2 fridges in the kitchen. We asked where she was and he said she was at church praying to lose weight. On our next visit, he made no mention of his wife and proposed marriage to our real estate agent. The tall tales grew at an alarming rate. We left unsure what to believe. In my worst moments, I concluded the renovations were a figment of his imagination but the skunks are probably real.

The building inspector confirmed that, at least as far as the house is concerned, Ted's word is reliable. There are some minor repairs that we can take of ourselves and we've been advised to budget for a new furnace in a couple of years but otherwise we've found our ideal - a century home solidly built and properly maintained.

Ted simply nodded his head when he heard the inspector had given his approval and asked if I had any other questions so I enquired what I should feed the crows. He was visibly relieved; "we've actually been very worried about that". He proceeded explain that his wife saves up crusts of bread and fries them in oil (he's promised to leave the jug of oil), adding whatever leftovers happen to be around. I'm a reluctant cook at the best of times, as my children will attest. Since I avoid cooking for my kids, I'm hard put to see myself cooking for the crows, but I didn't tell Ted that.

It seems I passed inspection as well as the house. When I was leaving, Ted gave me a horseshoe which he says came from the original farm. I'm to hang it over the door and he assures me it will bring us luck.

I'm going to need it when the skunks show up.