What Not to Wear: Farm Edition

Lately I can't get enough of Stacy and Clinton and their show What Not to Wear.  In past tv seasons, I flipped merrily past Stacy's exhortations to try an "empeer" waist (why can't Americans manage to pronounce French words correctly?  Is it from spending too much time in their "foy-rrrs"?) and shook my head as she and Clinton wrapped yet another belt around a blazer - a look I thought had gone out in 1983.  That was before I moved out of the city and discovered that a large portion of the population think it's a good idea to wear their pajamas to the grocery store and resurrect 1970s concert t-shirts for formal occasions.

Welcome to rural fashion.

If it were simply a matter of observing others' faux pas (or would Stacy say "fox paws"?) I might still resist the show - seeing dozens of people lined up on the causeway each day with their bait and tackle hasn't convinced me to start watching the fishing channel.  But a glance at the mirror demonstrates that my own fashion sense has taken a turn for the icky since moving to the farm.  To quote Dilbert, casual day has gone too far.

Apart from some youthful experimentation with skirt suits and padded shoulders, I've spent most of my adult life in clothes from the Gap.  Jeans, khakis, button down shirts and the occasional colorful sweater or cute little denim skirt pretty much covered all occasions.  When I went back to work in a corporate environment, I took a step up to Banana Republic for appropriate "business casual".  It was great.  I didn't need to think about fashion trends or this season's colors - a bi-annual trip to the mall - once in spring and again in the fall - and I could rest assured that I was appropriately dressed if not exactly a fashionista.

Moving to the farm and turning 50 have required some serious wardrobe editing.  Gone are the tailored wool trousers, the colorful short skirts, the graceful ballet flats - impractical on muddy driveways, unflattering to middle-aged legs, unsupportive of fallen arches.  What remains in my closet might best be described as artisan hippie meets senior citizen - yoga hoodies, hand knit socks, Birkenstock sandals and far too many pair of capri pants.  Stacy says no one over the age of 5 should wear capris and, in this instance, I'm with Stacy.

I'm uncertain how to exchange urban preppy for farm chic.  I'm too old for Daisy Dukes, not ready to give in to pajama jeans (looks like denim... feels like pj's) www.pajamajeans.com

Stacy and Clinton's assistance is available only to U.S. residents so I'm going to pitch a spin-off to CBC.  We'll get fashion ikons Shania Twain and Burton Cummings to co-host and call it "Tragically Hip - What Not to Wear Canada".